Some topics are deadly serious. It may be the hidden crimes against the innocent. It may be a medical crisis. It may be a eulogy commemorating selfless service. It may be the tragedy of the unfathomable destruction of lands and waters. There are no laughs for these speeches. Standing ovations may follow in support of the message and perhaps as a commendation of sheer bravery. The emotional speech can be a herculean, distressing task.
This note comes after I gave a eulogy for a dear friend. He told me twenty-plus years ago that I would do that job. True to his word, he told me again as his cancer became a deeper battle.
There are tragedies in the human condition which are hard to speak of, difficult to hear, indelible to the memory, and once heard, cannot be ignored. Life’s struggles are confronted in speeches or on video. Some causes or positions can expect to be met with gruff and grave reactions, heavy emotions, sorrow and pain. Well-argued promises of betterment are important. Just being able to speak without being overcome with emotion, rising to that moment, takes thought, preparation, and dealing with one’s own deep-in-the-gut emotional reactions. While audiences are not motivated by discomfort per se, people are compelled by an emotional truth. Speaking from the heart has an all-powerful capacity to reach the human conscience.
I recently saw a couple on television discussing a lawsuit which was threatening to remove their three-year old son, whom they had adopted in the delivery room. They were able to calmly tell of the mother’s confusing change of heart which was now a court battle in the name of love. The back-story videos showed them in moments as crying, pleading, loving parents. For the interview, the moment when they asked for moral support, however, they had become anchored in their strengths.
The hope is always the same. Please, people, help. Could you testify about the tragic death of a loved one while proposing changes to seat belt laws which would have prevented your greatest loss? Can you discuss human trafficking without being overcome by the extremes of empathy and sorrow which compel you to speak out? Can you show a slide show of massive accidental killings of dolphins trapped in tuna nets without your sympathies causing you to lose your voice? Can you advocate for the needs of children exposed to the worst of human abuses without making your audience unduly uncomfortable? Serious speech tasks require fortitude.
This is speech preparation at the “its personal” level. Whether the topic is extremely private, or a matter of public disgrace, dealing with emotional space takes time to overcome To invoke the sports-analogy classic – you can psyche yourself up to it. To get ready for these moments; 1) Spend time with your own feelings. With time, you can get in the zone. 2) Write that emotional plea clearly. Include details, but consider softening the most unpleasant graphics. Only spend enough material in the worst thoughts to make the situation clear. 3) Repeat it aloud until the feeling of the toughest lines are anticipated and the emotions are dealt with. This is not to dispose of your compassion and passion, but to ensure that you can retain your voice and composure. 4) Find those emphasis moments and anticipate reactions – it’s important to empathize with the audience as you tap into their emotions, especially when you do it on purpose (which can come across as audience manipulation instead of sharing and caring if you’re not sincere). Where you feel it, they’ll feel it. 5) Then move on toward answers and solutions. Describe your vision of the future - something to move toward (!).
My friend was a person of humor, and wanted none of the "serious" memorial. He wanted a celebration, a looking back while moving forward. Luckily, I had few days to deal with my feelings. I called upon his humor in my memories, and managed to bring smiles and laughs to go with everyone's tears.
Whether a eulogy, a commemoration, or serious advocacy, these can be the most important speeches you’ll ever give, especially when you provide a voice for those in need. From an internal need to serve comes every cause, every deep change, and every great speech. Good writing and reading time can both internalize and objectify the toughest topic, without losing that feeling.
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